I AM CLEAN, NOT PERFECT

Addiction is a painful process of living day and night in the clutches of the substance. The family goes through a loss of identity and an emotional roller-coaster ride with the addicted person trying to control his/her using.
Finally, the dependent decides to seek help. He goes to an alcohol/drug rehabilitation program for treatment for a certain duration of time. The family or co dependent can be under the impression that he will come out of the rehab as though he has been dry cleaned and all will be perfect.
In actuality , the real issues surface after the return from the rehab.
The family, unlike the addict in a residential rehab program, has not had the benefit of living away from emotional triggers and takes time to understand the process the addict has gone through and help him continue to not find the need to drink/use.
If the family has not undergone co-dependency counselling, they will look at him with ‘old eyes’ and emotions of fear, apprehensions, mistrust and judgement.
Earlier, the substance was the buffer to escape from the realities of life for the alcoholic/drug addict. Life was going on around him but he was only with the substance.
He is now just starting to get comfortable in his own skin living day to day without any substance. The crutch/substance that made him become oblivious of emotions is no longer present, and emotions are felt in their entirety and depth.
The person has to deal with them with the new tools learnt in rehab, without using a substance, and is finding his/her footing. The person has changed.
However, the spouse and family look at him as if, since he has become ‘rehabilitated’,he can now handle family responsibilities and a job and businesses. The spouse thinks.”Now my world is finally in place. He will take care of my emotional and other needs.” This is the illusion of the co dependent.
The person who has undergone treatment also wants to take on work and take the financial reins into his own hands. However, trust is difficult to get by. The emotional roller-coaster ride comes back with a vengeance in the family.Surprisingly most separations and divorces happen after the dependent returns home from a rehabilitation centre. The co-dependent who, until this point, was ‘right’ about a lot of issues only because of the other person’s drinking/using, begins  to realise that the person has now changed and does not indulge in emotional conversations and does not allow himself to get mood altered.
This entire conflict is the result of the myth that the suffering addict is not just clean but, because he has undergone treatment, should be ‘perfect’.
At AH we provide a luxury rehab facility with an Alternate life therapy program wherein the alcoholic/drug addict finds life and living beyond addiction to alcohol and drugs using various tools like counselling, meditation and writing, along with movies, meals out, hiking etc; in short, living a complete life, not finding the need to drink or use. The family too undergoes a similar process simultaneously so that both grow at an individual capacity and are able to then meet at  a common platform of understanding.

SEXUALITY AND INTIMACY IN ADDICTION

Humans are sexual beings. Sexuality includes physical, psychological, social, emotional and spiritual aspects. It does not only mean the act of sex but the energy of sex and the awareness of humans as sexual beings. Intimacy is building a close rapport, companionship and friendliness with another person.
Sexuality arises in infancy when the infant plays with its genitalia – repression/suppression of this most natural energy begins then itself by parents scolding the infant. In puberty, attraction to the opposite sex reaches its peak, but the topic is taboo in family/society. Religious beliefs complete the vortex of fear, guilt, shame and suppression. Perversion sets in as pornography is resorted to as an educative tool. Add drugs/alcohol to it and the psychological degeneration, delusion and self abuse that sets in is immeasurable.
In a suffering dependent, issues related to one’s sexuality are very extensive and deep rooted. This is not addressed in most treatment programs across the world, let alone in India. However, amongst the various relapse factors, sexuality issues rank amongst the highest.
The drinking /using might have begun as fun, experimentation, peer pressure etc. As it reaches addictive usage there has been a breakdown of most intimate relationships like husband/wife, parent/ child, partners/friends etc. in the cycle of wanting to drink and use and the repeated lies, the deception and the manipulation involved in perpetuating that habitual cycle. The intimacy with oneself has itself collapsed. Any attempt at intimacy by others is also thwarted as it is a threat to one’s usage or it is initiated to enable using or initiate sex.
Alcohol and drugs reduce inhibitions and increase sexual drive. As inhibitions drop with intoxication, promiscuity and unsafe sex is indulged in. The duration of the sexual act from initiation to orgasm lasts longer under intoxication, giving the illusion of it being greater, but though the drive and desire is high, the performance is affected.
Treatment
Considering the sensitivity and the importance of the issue, it is essential for it to be addressed in an unprejudiced, accepting ambience, maintaining confidentiality.
The person identifies and deals with areas of conflict from childhood, adolescence, adulthood and addiction through writing, detaching emotions from incidents. Counseling helps resolve them; meditation enables and sustains growth of awareness. He or she learns how the substances used affects/ afflicts sexuality and performance and what change can be expected in recovery.
It is of paramount importance that the person’s significant other (co-dependent) also receives the same treatment for his/her sexuality issues.
The individuals find freedom from shame, fear, guilt and anger related to sexuality.
Rebuilding Intimacy, Sexuality and Sexual Relations Post-Treatment
The individual is still coming to terms with a life away from the substance, but has experienced joy and is at peace with himself/herself, free from physical and emotional pain. Rebuilding relationships and redeveloping lost trust and intimacy with loved ones is worked through with guidance from a therapist.
Many might have had most sexual experiences under intoxication. Experiencing sex anew can open up other issues. For example, the intercourse may not last as long as it did under intoxication, or medical issues like premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunctions, secondary infertility etc may arise. All these can be resolved through counseling and medication.
We at Anatta are probably one of the only centers in India that addresses and deals with issues related to sexuality in addiction and co-dependency in its entirety in an ambience that is open and accepting through counseling, writing and meditation enabling truly holistic healing

Theories-On-Causes-of-Addiction

There are many factors that can cause addiction-

The Disease Concept

The direct relationship between neurotransmitters and drug abuse was discovered in 1970 that some neurotransmitters have molecular similarity to those of plant opioids –opium, morphine and heroin.

The normal human brain has a certain set level of release, increase and stabilization of dopamine –the pleasure neurotransmitter. However, in an addict brain the level of pleasure achieved is higher than normal and there is no plateau or stabilization phase, on the contrary the levels dip down to below baseline. This simulates the effect of consumption of substance in an addictive brain. Eventually, with each succeeding drug or alcohol event, the addicted person must use more and more to get less and less of an effect (tolerance) — the levels continues falling further and further until they are using not to get high but just to get normal

The Genetic & Inheritance Concept

Children born of Alcoholic parents have 4% more chances to be alcoholics.

Staying with Biological parents or Foster parents has not made any difference

Theory of inheritance of alcoholism, suicidal depression and epilepsy is known in female children of alcoholic parents.Some inherit anger, some inherit depression but more often so; it is the self-destructive attitude.

The Dysfunctional family Concept

Dysfunctional family members have common symptoms and behavior patterns as a result of their experiences within the family structure. This tends to reinforce the dysfunctional behavior, either through enabling or perpetuation. The family unit can be affected by a variety of factors

The following symptoms occur in most dysfunctional families:

Lack of empathy, understanding, and sensitivity toward certain family members; while, on the other hand, expressing extreme empathy toward one or more family members who have (real or perceived) “special needs”

Denial (a refusal to acknowledge abusive behaviour; also known as the “elephant in the room”) Extremes in conflict (either too much fighting or insufficient arguing between family members)

Inadequate or missing boundaries for self (e.g., tolerating inappropriate treatment from others, failing to express what is acceptable and unacceptable treatment, tolerance of physical, emotional or sexual abuse)

Unequal or unfair treatment of one or more family members due to their gender, age (e.g., seniors, children), abilities, race, economic status, etc. (may include frequent appeasement of one member at the expense of others, or an uneven enforcement of rules).

Abnormal sexual behavior such as incest

Abuse in childhood in any form emotional or physical.

Divorced or separated parents in continuous conflict, or parents who should separate, but do not (to the detriment of their children)

People living in such an environment can easily fall prey to addictions as a relief from stifling family circumstances.

Behavioral Concept

A Maladaptive Personality who cannot adjust to his surroundings and to his internal milieu can be more prone to addictions.

Whatever may be the cause and theories related to the same..if a fracture has to heal it has to be plastered. Likewise , the addiction has to be treated first and in the process the envelope of one’s life is turned inside out, and issues dealt with in a most compassionate, loving, confidential manner. We at Anatta provide the right mileu for the same.

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website : http://www.anatta.in

ARE YOU LIVING A NIGHTMARE THAT IS NOT YOURS?

A person starts to drink in the company of friends, at a party, or with one’s father, as an “introduction to manhood”. One feels good, on a high, inhibitions reduced. It becomes easier to say things you would otherwise have not said; talking to the girls becomes much simpler and fun; suddenly one becomes the life of the party.
The desire to feel the same high continues but the same intake of the substance does not achieve this, as the body has developed a tolerance. The quantity of consumption increases.
At the job deals are closed over “entertaining “with alcohol. Problems at work lead to increased consumption. Managing home and work becomes stressful.  The same “high” is not attained, hence the quantity increases. At this stage the family, whether, the wife or the parents start feeling alarmed and start admonishing and asking the person to cut down on the drinks. This is a stage of problem drinking.
Slowly ,  the weekend consumption  becomes daily; from 2-3 pegs it becomes 5-6 or more. Social meetings, family dinners and work meetings are arranged around the availability of alcohol.  Instead of using alcohol, abusing it begins. Sexual desire increases and risk behaviours increase. This happens insidiously. This is Alcohol Abuse.
Then the nightmare unfolds for the person. The thought processes change. Incidents get colored by emotions that are exaggerated, like watching a movie on a 100mm screen. Identification develops with the personality that has changed due to the alcohol. Suspicion and paranoia set in.  He wants to have only 4/ 5 drinks but loses count after that and before he knows it, he is a bottle down. He decides, he will not drink today but in 5 minutes or 5 hours, he finds himself with a glass in hand. He has just gone for a walk after an entire day of not drinking eating healthily, having a nice time with family, before he realizes he finds himself in a bar 4 drinks down. The mornings are terrible, the body unsteady shaking, tremors, a mind befuddled with last night’s hangover, and no memory of how he reached home, whom did he meet, or has he gotten his car back [ “Blackouts” – the person has absolutely no memory of  his words and actions , of what has transpired while he was drunk ] This increases the terror that arises within, giving a sickening sinking feeling – which is then appeased with another drink to stabilise.. Or, months can go without drinking [untreated] and suddenly without warning he finds himself drinking again. This is Addiction to alcohol, the drink consumes he person, and he loses control of the drink and his life.  Thus, he is living a nightmare that he is unable to wake up from.
 The family pulls themselves into this nightmare trying to control his drinking without understanding that treatment is essential at this stage in the form of residential, voluntary, rehabilitation. They lose their identity and identify themselves with his nightmare; [Co dependency] they require as much help.
On reading the above do you identify with the experience of the nightmare that the person drinking is going through? Then,You need to visit drug & alcohol rehabilitation centre.
Or, do you identify living with a nightmare that is not yours?  Then,You need help too.
AH provides a voluntary, residential care in an exclusive ambience, with non –medically, with meditation and counselling techniques as cornerstones of therapy along with other alternate life therapies. It is one of the best alcohol addiction treatment centres.
Help is available through addiction treatment centres, which is just a phone call away.