FORGIVENESS IN RECOVERY

“ I am sorry baby I hit you last night after drinking “ “ I am sorry I could not attend our anniversary dinner “ “ I am sorry I broke the TV last night after drinking “ “ I am sorry , I will stop drinking from tomorrow “

All this only to find oneself drinking or using in the next half an hour.

How many times has one gone to ask for forgiveness and has ended up arguing instead.
So many apologies but all falls flat ... the family listening to these frequent apologies lose trust finally.
However what one has to understand is that when using or drinking reaches a stage of addiction it is the alcohol or the substance that takes over and controls the person and not the other way around . Hence the person is helpless before the substance . It plays games with the mind .

Once the person comes into treatment voluntarily and deals with one’s issues in life and takes responsibility of one’s actions then he or she reaches a stage of not finding the need to use . He deals with a lot of guilt and remorse in treatment . He learns to forgive himself first and takes responsibility for his/ her actions under the influence and for whatever he put himself through in his life . He realises that , that was the person he “was” he is not that person now who was brash, rude , lying , unscrupulous.
Forgiveness of self is the most essential part of the journey towards self healing.
Then comes the part of making amends . Amends or asking forgiveness should be done only where it will not hurt or cause damage to the other .
Seeking forgiveness , again, does not depend on if the other person forgives one or not .. it is for oneself .

Holding on to grudges fills us with the poison of anger and resentment .. realising that the anger is Within us and only we are responsible for the pain it causes us , frees us from it and allows us to forgive .
Being able to detach oneself from the painful emotions through writing , meditations , sharing, enables one to deal with unresolved emotions and liberate oneself of suffering .. Buddha said “ Pain is inevitable , suffering is optional “ Forgiveness is liberation .
This is possible in a therapeutic environment that is voluntary , accepting and compassionate- where the person who is suffering from addiction learns to forgive oneself and heal.

YA BA (crazy pill)

Content  – Combination of methamphetamine and caffeine. At times, instead of caffeine , heroin, cocaine, LSD or Viagra can be  present or used in addition . Other ingredients included are hydrochloric acid ( extracted from pool chemicals ) acetone ( nail polish remover ), red phosphorus , sulphuric acid (extracted from drain cleaners ) and lithium  from camera batteries.

Common names across the world

Madness drug, Nazi speed

Thai – Ya-maa (horse medicine)  Ya-khayan ( hard working pill)  Ya ba (crazy pill)

Burma – kyethi (button), athi, and palarkar

Bangladesh – Baba, laai, khawon, loppy, bichi

India -Bhul bhulaiya

China maa goo- ma- guo

Produced as a round pill – colors red, yellow, orange, lime green, small round with R or WY written on it.  Usually smuggled in drinking straws.

Routes of Consumption – Orally . The tablet can also be kept on a foil and heated at the bottom, fumes are inhaled. Fixed, with tablets crushed to powder and inhaled or injected with a solvent.

History – It was used by truck drivers and horses in the early 60’s or 70’s in Thailand till it was banned after bad accidents happened . This drug has elevated from the dredges to the higher echelons of society.

The drug is primarily manufactured in Myanmar  and smuggled across the Thai border and into Laos, China and India through the North eastern region.

Effects

The high, if consumed Orally , lasts for 8-10 hours,  if inhaled lasts for 1-3 hours only. The downer of Yaba is very severe. It is mixed with vanilla and chocolate flavors hence it smells like vanilla and chocolate .There is an instant burst of energy and euphoria , increased activity, prolonged sense of well being, loss of appetite.

Short term

Ya ba prevents the person from sleeping for days on end. It increases the desire to have sex enormously pushing the person to indulge in unsafe sex too. The person becomes very aggressive and can be violent after the drug. It kills the appetite, hence the person does not eat. Increased blood pressure and nausea with dilated pupils.

 Excessive doses can result in convulsions, seizures and death from respiratory failure, stroke or heart failure. The drug can trigger psychiatric ailments like psychosis too.

Long term

Gross Weight loss, hair fall, Alopecia areata, skin ulcers, teeth decay, renal damage, cardiac problems,  seizures, elevated blood pressure.

Withdrawals

 Severe cramps

Excessive sleep

Agression , Agitation

Emotional swings

Anxiety

Speed of thought

Paranoea

The above symptoms can be countered with suitable medications during detoxification in a safe hospital environment.

Treatment

This needs to be done in a voluntary, accepting, compassionate   environment . At Anatta ,Counseling , meditation and introspective writing that makes one focus on taking responsibility for one self are the bedrocks of treatment. Meditation allows the mind that runs like a horse as an aftermath of dependence on Ya ba to slow down , calm down, focus and separate emotions from the events of life that have been traumatic. Thus , we treat the individual holistically.

Heroin/Brown Sugar

Heroin  is a highly addictive drug also  called smack, junk, skag, dope, and chaw.

Ageing Spotlessly

It is derived from morphine which is a natural opioid derived from the seed pods of poppy plants.

It is usually a pale brown powder, white powder or sticky tar like called tar heroin.

As per the Times of India, heroin manufacturing in the South east Asian countries is about 40 tonnes  , 17 tonnes of which is consumed by India alone. This is stark evidence enough of the looming problem of heroin in the country.

Brown sugar which is the street form of heroin contains only 20 % heroin in it and is adulterated by talcum powder, milk powder, strychnine and other unknown substances. The adulterants makes it a very dangerous substance to consume.

Modes of intake

Snorting

Smoking

Chasing (most common for brown sugar) wherein the substance is placed on a tin foil, which is heated from beneath it and the fumes thus created are inhaled.

Fixed/injected – to inject brown or heroin it has to be mixed with an acid usually , ascorbic or citric acid. Even then many of the adulterants do not dissolve if it is brown sugar.

Heroin is many times mixed with Crystal meth – this is called “Speedballing”

The Effects

The instant effect is a surge of euphoria created by the substance attaching itself to the opioid receptors in the brain  .It affects the areas controlling, pain , pleasure, heart rate , sleeping and respiration.

Short term effects

Warmth of skin, dry mouth, heaviness of limbs, nausea, inability to function mentally.

Long term effects

Abscesses on body, ulcers, fired thickened walls of blood vessels, infection of the pericardium (lining of the heart) and the blood vessel linings Mental health issues like depression , anxiety etc. , sexual dysfunction in men and menstrual irregularities in women, liver and renal disease.

Diseases like Hepatitis C , HIV that are contracted due to sharing needles and risky sexual behavior of not using condoms during intercourse.

Overdose 

Overdose commonly occurs with heroin and can happen with brown sugar too and is on the rise.

As a person is overdosing the person’s respiratory rate reduces resulting in hypoxia or lack of oxygen to the brain, this can result in seizures, coma and even death or permanent brain damage.

Withdrawals on stopping heroin/brown sugar

Body ache- muscular and joint pains, at times bone pains- excruciating.

Strong cravings which can be uncontrollable

Stomach cramps

Muscular cramps

Restlessness

Uncontrolled shaking of the legs

Lachrymation, Coryza

Lack of appetite

Diarrhea and vomiting

Sleep issues at times excessive sleep

Since a few years in India in  the withdrawals from Brown sugar –  seizures have also been observed caused primarily due to the unknown adulterants that go into its making.

Treatment

Harm reduction

Across the workd harm reduction therapies have been tried for heroin and brown sugar which involves Buprenorphine and or Methadone being given at specified centres as per dose required to tide over the withdrawals.

However, Harm reduction has not been found to be too successful .

Long term successful treatment has been residential rehabilitation care after detox in a hospital. This in an environment that is voluntary, accepting, free, non- regimented,  non- judgmental, compassionate which involves  non -medical care with meditation, counseling and other alternate therapies as therapeutic techniques to go beyond finding the need to use.

The individual discovers self -love and dignity in life and learns to live a balanced fulfilling life.

LSD

LSD or D Lysergic acid di-ethylamide is from a class of drugs called Hallucinogens .

It is a clear odorless chemical made from lysergic acid which is derived from the fungus ergot growing on the rye plant.

Street names- Acid, Blotter, Dots, Yellow sunshine.

Modes of use- tablets, pills, swallowing as liquid, blotters which are the liquid dropped on paper and stuck to the upper palate or tongue from which it absorbs into the system.

Repeated use increases tolerance and consequent increased use which is dangerous , hence is believed to be included in chemicals with a potential for addiction.

History

It was first processed in 1938 by Albert Hoffman who got aware of its psychedelic properties when a few drops of the liquid fell on his skin and he started hallucinating.

In the early 1960s’ LSD was used in scientific research and for treatment of schizophrenia , addiction to alcohol , depression and spiritual enhancement etc.

Then it entered the streets and abused due to which it was made illegal and a Schedule 1 drug- indicating it is possible of high amounts of abuse.

Effects on brain.- called as a “trip”

Desegregation

The brain’s neural network is usually segregated. However, with the LSD the segregation is broken down and a connection with all parts of the brain develops resulting in a kind of ego dissolution.

Seeing with eyes shut- Visual hallucinations

The visual cortex is affected thereby, even with closed eyes the person is capable of seeing things which is the visual hallucinatory component of the drug. There are also profound changes in consciousness.

It can cause synesthesia whereby one can “feel” music and “taste” odors i.e. the sensory organ functions are all mixed up.

LSD is considered to be a fat soluble chemical – hence thought to stay in the fat cells of the body resulting in “flashbacks” wherein there are flashes of the same high or sudden hallucinations which last for some time and then disappear.

LSD induced psychoses is known to happen with multiple or even a single strong hit of the drug– called as Hallucinogen Persisting Perceptual Disorder (HPPD) Psychosis is a break from reality. This includes delusion ( false beliefs which are real to the person believing in them and cannot be altered by any amount of reasoning or confrontation with reality) and hallucinations

Problems also arise when the drug is used in combination with alcohol, weed etc.

Physical effects

Rapid heart rate, Imbalanced gait , loss of appetite, weakness , mild gastritis, vomiting etc.

Treatment

Residential stay for a substantial period as it takes 6-8 weeks for the susbtance to leave the tissues of the body. The stay ahs to be accepting, non threatening caring with love and compassion as its baseline. Mediation , Counseling and other alternate therapies are the need of the hour. Anatta is a luxury facility catering to the same.http://anatta.in

ADDICTION TO COUGH SYRUPS WITH CODEINE DERIVATIVES

The innocuous cough syrup that usually acts immediately when one has a common cold or bad cough in providing relief to us , can also become addictive if taken in unnatural amounts for a long enough period time.

The addictive component is the derivative of codeine or of opioid origin.

This requires a doctor’s prescription to obtain from the pharmacy.

The normal medical dose is 5-10ml a day about two or three times as advised by the physician.

Common brand names- Phensedyl, Corex etc.

If taken in large quantities it gives a drowsy feeling , buzzed out throughout the day which is then enjoyed by the person who is using it.

Quantities taken can be several bottles of 100ml or 50ml orally per day.

Side effects- Perspiration, insomnia, dryness of mouth, weight loss, lack of appetite, overt drowsiness, respiratory depression, pain in stomach, constipation, headache, dizziness, nausea , vomiting, anxiety, pancreatitis, Itchiness of skin, lowered blood pressure.

Long term effects of addiction - Insomnia, anxiety, nightmares, liver damage, physical pain, seizures, motor tremors, coma, death, multiple organ damage

Overdose- can result in - Pin point pupils, heaviness in chest, Unconsciousness, cyanosis (blueness around the lips and nail beds) , difficulty in breathing due to respiratory distress, Chest pain, sluggish pulse rate, vomiting, fatigue that is extreme.

Treatment

This involves stopping the substance to begin with . This can give rise to withdrawal symptoms that can be as follows-

Insomnia, stomach cramps, headaches, muscle pains, diarrhea, lack of appetite, rapid heartbeat, lachrymation, runny nose, yawning, heaviness in head, nausea, vomiting.

The period of Detoxification enables the individual seeking help to get beyond the withdrawals.

Treatment involves residential stay at a rehabilitation center for about 8-12 weeks in an accepting loving compassionate ambience. Treatment is of the addictive traits in the person and the inability to manage and deal with emotions that make the person doing the only thing they know to cope ie of using

Meditative techniques that are psychotherapeutic enable the client to relax, calm own, and bring to the fore suppressed and repressed emotions stored in the cellular memory. Counseling , sharing, writing and various alternate therapies facilitate in helping the client go beyond using to understanding oneself and living life fully without finding the need to use.

“I CAN HANDLE IT”

These are the four fatalistic words spoken by an alcoholic who is absolutely drunk…

And these are the very four words that more often than not take him to the grave.

“ I am sorry I will not do it again ..” after breaking the furniture for the umpteenth time the night before after getting drunk

“ He forced me to have a drink.. it is after all his birthday… I only had two.”

“  How can I not drink/use drugs… I was neglected as a child, my parents were never there when I was growing up… “ how old am I today? 30

“ I promise I will stop drinking from tomorrow itself.. today  I am feeling a little disturbed .. I need it.”

“  If you do not allow me too drink I will jump from the balcony”

“ I love you only, I will not look at another female..”  a guy high on drugs to his wife before calling his girlfriend after a minute.

“ Marijuana is not a drug . It is a herb , it is not addictive, it is legal in many countries in the world.”  A student who is stoned the entire day, grades are dropping and has auditory hallucinations as a consequence of using weed.

“ I will drink only 2 drinks today.. not more” this after having downed 4 drinks before coming home and kept 4 at the bar counter to gulp apart from the two had with the spouse.

“I can quit anytime”  “ I am not an alcoholic because I don’t drink since morning “  “ I don’t drink hard liquor hence I am not a alcoholic.”

“If you did not fight with me so much I would not drink “ “ you never appreciate me hence I took to drinks” “She broke my heart.. what could I do but drink?”

“You need treatment not me”

“ I cannot go to a rehab now, I have my business to look after, my children need me”

Sound familiar ?

How many times have you been caught in these web of apologies promises emotional blackmails et al…..  all  the web of manipulations spread by the person suffering from addiction . .

As a doctor I have seen clients of cirrhosis of the liver with fluid filling in their abdomen and vomiting blood and telling me I will be fine … I am waiting to attend the New Years bash at so n so’s place … it will be rocking! …. n soon drinking again without accepting help and not living to see the new year in . This is where the manipulation of the person addicted kills him …

By being socially manipulative they manage to keep their relationships alive on false promises, persuading partners to take on their responsibilities and take care of them . Plans and family outings  are made around using .. lies and deceptions and excuses made in order to drink/ use.  Many times parents and spouses even comply and get the alcohol and drugs themselves to prevent a fight or thinking if he/she uses at home he/she will remain safe . Thus the family unwittingly ends up enabling the addict .

Many times the addict starts believing his own fabricated stories which makes things worse as the lines between truth and falsehood blur.

The person risks reaching a state of mind in which the lying , making up stories and conniving are not considered wrong and seem to be a natural way of thinking and behaving. The masks become one with the face.

Causes of manipulation –

– Controlling those around

– Thinking that one will not be accepted or loved if one does not control

– Attention seeking

– All these lies and manipulations are to protect, guard, progress one’s usage of alcohol and drugs and throw a smokescreen on the same.

Consequences of manipulative behaviors

–  Loved ones around soon cry wolf as they see through the lies and deception

– The person addicted to alcohol/ drugs soon finds oneself isolated from friends , social dos and family and gets trapped in his/her own self deceptions and lies.

– The disease of addiction progresses as the person addicted keeps putting up blocks and obstacles in seeking or getting help through these manipulations.

Ways to avoid being manipulated for the co dependent

– You are not responsible for the drinking /using of the person addicted to the substance nor are you responsible to get him to stop doing so.

– From your own experiences with the person suffering from addiction identify and recognize when you have been manipulated.

– Realize you have the right to say no without feeling guilty even if made to feel so

-You are not responsible for keeping the addict happy so if you see the person being extremely polite to someone then in a split second being extremely rude and abrupt you are witness to classic manipulation . Keep a safe separation and detachment for your self preservation

–  If something unreasonable is being asked of you question it and probe and ask questions thus showing the mirror to the person addicted to the substance. If the person is a bit aware will realize that their manipulation has been seen through.

– Avoid self blame

Treatment

In treatment in order to get beyond one’s manipulative behavior

– Residential alcohol/drug rehab stay

– A treatment program that involves acceptance, inclusion, counseling, meditative techniques and other alternate therapies to enable the person addicted to identify, admit, accept and work introspectively towards taking responsibility of one’s actions and get beyond them thereby leading a joyful, honest full life not finding the need to use any alcohol/drugs.

Addiction to alcohol/drugs is literally a life or death situation. The manipulations , lies and deceptions are primarily self directed and are cries for help. By the time usage reaches addiction, the alcohol and drugs hijack the individual physically, mentally and spiritually.  Professionals who have the experience in treatment that is voluntary can facilitate the person into receiving help.

Reach out. Help is available.
Rehab India | Alcohol Rehabilitation Centre in India

Mephedrone aka m-cat aka meow- meow

A drug that has taken the Mumbai streets by storm due to lacunae created by poor quality cocaine and is cheaper than it, is Mephedrone also known as M-CAT/ meow-meow/plant food etc.

Mephedrone [4-methyl methcathinone (4-MMC) or 4-methyl ephedrone,] is a synthetic stimulant akin to amphetamines and is a cathinone similar to those found in the psychostimulant plant Khath used in Africa. It is sold across the world as plant food and research chemicals online in order to by pass legal bans and routes.

History 

It was first discovered in 1929 but went into obscurity till it was re synthesized by an underground chemist in Israel in about 2003 .

Mode of use– snorting, rectally, orally in tablets, intravenously.

Even today  the complete and long term effects of the drug on the brain and body have not been researched .  Hence what is known is from short term studies and effects observed in users and shared by them.

Effects

Users have described its effects to be akin to the effects of MDMA and cocaine.

Its effects set in within 15minutes to half an hour of snorting it and lasts for 3-4 hours.

It  creates a sense of euphoria, elation, sleeplessness, a sharpness and mental acuity that makes one feel very productive and able to focus better . It also creates a markedly heightened sexual desire with intercourse lasting for hours. This increases the chance of risky sexual behavior increasing the propensity to sexually transmitted diseases like HIV, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C etc.

Currently mephedrone is used in many places in the world for what are called as ““chemsex” parties .

Body and brain-

-It creates a complete lack of appetite wherein users do not eat at all while in the phase of using and consequently loose weight and fall ill.

-The pupils  are dilated,

there is an increase in heart rate of the drug user/ person addicted to the drug. Since the effect lasts only for a few hours the frequency of usage and quantity of usage gradually increase thus making abuse of the drug very easy.

-There is no low feeling or depression following the stoppage of use.

-Short term memory is grossly affected.

-Anxiety and paranoia are seen in some.

-Heightened nervous stimulation is seen in some resulting seizures.

-It also creates in some a feeling of affection towards people around.

-Teeth grinding , jaw clenching , cold fingers and toes are some other effects.

Withdrawals

Physical- Body ache, headache, heart palpitations, constipation, increased appetite,  excessive sleepiness, lachrymation, watering of the nose.

Mental- irritability , restlessness

Solution

The solution for someone addicted to the drug is a residential treatment program in a voluntary drug rehabilitation facility wherein the treatment program is voluntary, non medical and incorporating counseling , meditation and other therapies are incorporated . We at Anatta offer such a program wherein the individual is treated with understanding and acceptance and his/her confidentiality and anonymity is maintained.