FORGIVENESS IN RECOVERY

“ I am sorry baby I hit you last night after drinking “ “ I am sorry I could not attend our anniversary dinner “ “ I am sorry I broke the TV last night after drinking “ “ I am sorry , I will stop drinking from tomorrow “

All this only to find oneself drinking or using in the next half an hour.

How many times has one gone to ask for forgiveness and has ended up arguing instead.
So many apologies but all falls flat ... the family listening to these frequent apologies lose trust finally.
However what one has to understand is that when using or drinking reaches a stage of addiction it is the alcohol or the substance that takes over and controls the person and not the other way around . Hence the person is helpless before the substance . It plays games with the mind .

Once the person comes into treatment voluntarily and deals with one’s issues in life and takes responsibility of one’s actions then he or she reaches a stage of not finding the need to use . He deals with a lot of guilt and remorse in treatment . He learns to forgive himself first and takes responsibility for his/ her actions under the influence and for whatever he put himself through in his life . He realises that , that was the person he “was” he is not that person now who was brash, rude , lying , unscrupulous.
Forgiveness of self is the most essential part of the journey towards self healing.
Then comes the part of making amends . Amends or asking forgiveness should be done only where it will not hurt or cause damage to the other .
Seeking forgiveness , again, does not depend on if the other person forgives one or not .. it is for oneself .

Holding on to grudges fills us with the poison of anger and resentment .. realising that the anger is Within us and only we are responsible for the pain it causes us , frees us from it and allows us to forgive .
Being able to detach oneself from the painful emotions through writing , meditations , sharing, enables one to deal with unresolved emotions and liberate oneself of suffering .. Buddha said “ Pain is inevitable , suffering is optional “ Forgiveness is liberation .
This is possible in a therapeutic environment that is voluntary , accepting and compassionate- where the person who is suffering from addiction learns to forgive oneself and heal.

YA BA (crazy pill)

Content  – Combination of methamphetamine and caffeine. At times, instead of caffeine , heroin, cocaine, LSD or Viagra can be  present or used in addition . Other ingredients included are hydrochloric acid ( extracted from pool chemicals ) acetone ( nail polish remover ), red phosphorus , sulphuric acid (extracted from drain cleaners ) and lithium  from camera batteries.

Common names across the world

Madness drug, Nazi speed

Thai – Ya-maa (horse medicine)  Ya-khayan ( hard working pill)  Ya ba (crazy pill)

Burma – kyethi (button), athi, and palarkar

Bangladesh – Baba, laai, khawon, loppy, bichi

India -Bhul bhulaiya

China maa goo- ma- guo

Produced as a round pill – colors red, yellow, orange, lime green, small round with R or WY written on it.  Usually smuggled in drinking straws.

Routes of Consumption – Orally . The tablet can also be kept on a foil and heated at the bottom, fumes are inhaled. Fixed, with tablets crushed to powder and inhaled or injected with a solvent.

History – It was used by truck drivers and horses in the early 60’s or 70’s in Thailand till it was banned after bad accidents happened . This drug has elevated from the dredges to the higher echelons of society.

The drug is primarily manufactured in Myanmar  and smuggled across the Thai border and into Laos, China and India through the North eastern region.

Effects

The high, if consumed Orally , lasts for 8-10 hours,  if inhaled lasts for 1-3 hours only. The downer of Yaba is very severe. It is mixed with vanilla and chocolate flavors hence it smells like vanilla and chocolate .There is an instant burst of energy and euphoria , increased activity, prolonged sense of well being, loss of appetite.

Short term

Ya ba prevents the person from sleeping for days on end. It increases the desire to have sex enormously pushing the person to indulge in unsafe sex too. The person becomes very aggressive and can be violent after the drug. It kills the appetite, hence the person does not eat. Increased blood pressure and nausea with dilated pupils.

 Excessive doses can result in convulsions, seizures and death from respiratory failure, stroke or heart failure. The drug can trigger psychiatric ailments like psychosis too.

Long term

Gross Weight loss, hair fall, Alopecia areata, skin ulcers, teeth decay, renal damage, cardiac problems,  seizures, elevated blood pressure.

Withdrawals

 Severe cramps

Excessive sleep

Agression , Agitation

Emotional swings

Anxiety

Speed of thought

Paranoea

The above symptoms can be countered with suitable medications during detoxification in a safe hospital environment.

Treatment

This needs to be done in a voluntary, accepting, compassionate   environment . At Anatta ,Counseling , meditation and introspective writing that makes one focus on taking responsibility for one self are the bedrocks of treatment. Meditation allows the mind that runs like a horse as an aftermath of dependence on Ya ba to slow down , calm down, focus and separate emotions from the events of life that have been traumatic. Thus , we treat the individual holistically.